This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
