it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
