I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize