Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
