On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
