This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
