I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
