No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
