i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
