Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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