i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
