is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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