I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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