I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
