end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
