new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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