worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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