dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
