So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
