dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
