What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
