I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
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Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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