I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
