I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
