I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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