So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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