afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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