I'm so fucking centered right now
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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