Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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