When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
