long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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