i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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