Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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