Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
