that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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