There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
