Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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