I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
