i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
