brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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