i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
