ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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