Moan for me like Helen Keller
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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