check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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