I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
