you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
