You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
