Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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