So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
