we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
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i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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