Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
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THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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