What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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