thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
