I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
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If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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