Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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