just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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