How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
