I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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