You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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