It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
