Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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