he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
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I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize