Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize