im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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