Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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