i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
