6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
