third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
