So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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