I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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